Silverwalk Hermitage

It surprises me how people one may not know well, may only meet on occasion – such as the man who helps unload my recycling – remember one and express concern.  A friend took a bunch of recycling in for me earlier this week; when the gentleman recognized the tube feeding cans, he asked and my friend said she was helping a friend.  He remarked to her how he had seen me and my dogs on television, asking if I was ok.  She assured him I was – just got behind ( she very diplomatically did not call me “lazy”) and she was helping out.  I find it comforting to know community people still remember that broadcast from a year ago.   It reinforces to me how we truly are a community, caring for one another even at distance and of time.  This gentleman’s remembering of me humbles me and make me want to be sure to remember, mention to people where ever I meet them – “how are you?  what has been happening with so and so?”  It takes me out of my ego and selfish day-to-day rut and puts me into a wider circle embracing the community beyond those with whom I have daily or frequent discourse.   His compassion and recall make me want to pay more attention to the names and situations of which I read online locally, regionally and nationally as well as those happening to hospital and animal rescue colleagues.   Help me, Lord, to attend better with concrete action, even a card, to those who would appreciate a thought – or not.  Their appreciation is not necessary – it is my obedience to the nudge of compassion driven by our Lord, whose Passion and personal obedience to His Father and prophesy save us every day.

Corinthians 14:14-15 “For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays but my mind is unproductive. ¹⁵What should I do then? I will pray with the spirit, but I will pray with the mind also; I will sing praise with the spirit, but I will sing praise with the mind also.”

Exodus 4:10 “But Moses said to the Lord, ‘O my Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor even now that you have spoken to your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.’ “

These are quotes from this morning’s lectionary.  They both spoke to me as I prayed the Office.  I, too, am slow of speech and tongue; I am also slow of wit.  Some of my best friends tell wonderful stories and have quick wits, responding swiftly and delightfully in repartee.  I think I enjoy them so much because, among other things, I do not have this talent but oh, love the stories they tell and how they tell them.  Corinthians/Paul reminded me of the three-legged stool of the Episcopal Church – scripture, reason, tradition.  He is speaking of tongues vs prophesying – which is better – prophesying builds up the church as people can understand what is being said while tongues, unless interpreted, is known only to the speaker, thus is not edifying for the others present.

In my meditation, both these quotes came back.  We need to speak, to communicate; we also need to listen and let others do for us what we lack, as Aaron did for Moses.  God listened to Moses – He sounded exasperated in the whole text but He heard Moses concern – he was not refusing per se, he was being very clear about his limitations which would affect what God was asking him to do.  God asked him to trust Him, that He who could make mute and deaf, blind and sighted, would give Moses what he needed.  Moses is imperfect – he can’t trust God this far – and God uses another instrument in Aaron to further His need to answer the call of distress of the Israelites in Egypt as well as to relieve Moses of his personal distress yet hold him to the vocation He chose for him. .

God uses the imperfect.  GOD USES THE IMPERFECT.  As His children and as believers, we need to offer our whole selves: body, mind, spirit to be used by Him as He directs.  We may not like what He asks; we may complain, kvetch, go deep-sea diving a la Jonah BUT He will find us, He will use us and for us, we will have the opportunity to serve God and those He loves – those other imperfects of us: human, animal, plant, and planet.   While I am slow of tongue and of speech, I do try to pray/act on His behalf in both mind and spirit – imperfectly, very imperfectly but with Christ, all things are possible.

Some of you may have noticed I have been playing with headers, templates and blog names.  The basic premise remains – my restlessness is subsiding.  Whew.  The current header shows Silverwalk itself in the spring with my favorite flowers out front, irises.  We now have spring promise in weather, temps, fleas and rain.  YESH – to quote Mooch from “Mutts.”

Spring promise during Lent – a reminder of the promises of God to relieve and restore us through faith and action no matter what we go through.  Dark does indeed give way to dawn.  Death does indeed give way to life.  Let me share a favorite image of a caterpillar’s change – wonderful natural illustration of the Promise of God through Jesus Christ.

Steve Jobs at Stanford: Live before you Die.

Take the time to listen to this Stanford graduating address by Steve Jobs.  He has some very important points to make, many of which have been made before by others with different words.  Live NOW.

I have been and still am home sick this weekend which has given me lots of time to read blogs.  One thing I noticed and I am as guilty, is the egocentricity of most blogs.   Many have much to say, point to, enlighten; many are simply amplified journals in a person's daily life.  Frankly, I hope Silverwalk Hermitage is both – one of sharing others' and my own wisdom (such as the previous post from Leo at Zen Habits) and of my day-to-day or less often thoughts and ramblings in my life and the lives of those around me.  Egocentric?  Maybe, probably – but we all learn from one another.  We all have things to offer.   Personally, I try to reflect activities, concerns, actions, faith from church, friends, mentors and animal rescue.  Let me illustrate.
I have a very good friend whom I consider a non-blood sister.  We can sit and chat for hours or not; we can also be in silence w/one another.  What a blessing.  My friend, J., is a path maker.  She has painfully learned in her life to sit back, observe and consider her reaction to a situation and how others may be perceived in a situation.   She is not only very compassionate but hates confrontation – two forces helping her do something she does well.  One example is a new hire at work whom we both liked but who was having a tough time becoming one of the group.  J. observed the attitudes of our colleagues and assessed that this new person was not being accepted because the effort was not being made to include her.  So, J., who went through some of this herself and dealt creatively with it, approached some colleagues w/her observations with the result that this person is now being seen for who she is and what she is trying to accomplish in being a new nurse and not in the expectation she "doesn't" fit.  We need to make the way for newbies to fit – thus, my friend is an active path-maker: she is compassionate, dedicated and loves working in rehab nursing, where she is able to use many of her psychosocial skills as well as her clinical judgment not only for her patients but for her colleagues and boss as well.   This is Christ in action – compassion, action, works w/faith.
Another friend is an RN (yes, that's my life) who started and is growing a local animal sanctuary mostly dealing w/cats and some dogs.  We have known each other but have moved into a true friendship in the last few months because we have similar mindsets.  We are both pragmatic nurses: life goes on but sometimes it needs to stop as gently and as compassionately as possible.  As professionals, we don't have the luxury of falling apart when life goes onto God – we stay strong for the families and for our volunteers.  This is not always appreciated.  God knows our hearts, however.  We both have animal SANCTUARIES – which, by definition, only kill (euthanize) an animal out of medical or aggressive necessity.  I have a lovely hound mix who, after her puppies were scooped up by another rescue, was destined to be euthanized because of her extreme timidity and shyness secondary to being severely beaten in her young life.  I "happened" to call this rescue person, asking if she had any hounds needing placement and she offered me this hound, Farrah.   The puppies could be turned over and adopted at premium rates but Farrah fka Leona would take too long .  Silverwalk took her in.  Her first months here, I let her alone – I allowed her to learn to be a dog w/o expectations or repercussions.  With the help of my volunteer dog walkers over a year and a half, this dog is not recognized as the same dog.   She is still very shy when away from home.  However, at home, she now comes up and gooses visitors, allows herself to be petted by men and women whom she has not met before, plays w/toys and other dogs….this is sanctuary.  If she is never adopted, she will live here for life.  Not all of the dogs here at Silverwalk are pretty – some are old, some have medical problems; but until I see that life spark fade in their eyes, they will be welcomed and cherished here till they are either adopted or pass on to God on their own or in my arms.
So, those paragraphs addressed the "healing" and "animal rescue" parts of the Silverwalk creed.  "Prayer" was addressed as a "change in focus" in two entries back.  It really is not a change but more of an emphasis this year w/my change in working hours.   This year, this Lent, is dedicated to prayer and to lifestyle.  I like the idea of living w/only "100 things."  I like the idea of regular prayer: multi-daily, centering, corporate.  I feel led to pray more and more at the same time as I am led to straighten, clean and de-clutter my physical house.  Inside/outside – both for the glory of God.  And so, I pray, are the thoughts, concerns and day-to-day activities shared in this blog.  Thank you for reading; thank you for sharing; thank you for praying and inviting God into your lives.  All will be well.

» wash your bowl :mnmlist

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I have moved back to working in the ICU every weekend mostly Sat. and Sunday nights.  Several things suffer with this schedule – Saturdays are when I did a lot of volunteer and transport “work,” and Sundays, of course, are church with related activities.  I am contracted to this schedule for a year.  I hope to leave it next January as I miss doing what I did before but I am NOT sorry to be back in the ICU.  I very, very much enjoyed rehab nursing but when I came back to it after doing ICU for 4 years, it was a mistake; one cannot go “home” when one’s home has moved .  I had a “perfect” schedule, though – but my brain and heart were elsewhere, which became more and more clear to me as the couple years back wore on.  So, move I did – better for brain, heart and soul even if I need to miss church for a year.

This is what struck me today.  I worked in the coronary care unit this past weekend – our ICU is split between “trauma/neuro” and “coronary” with both doing medical and most staff switch hitting each side as needed.  I worked 12 hr (ha) nights each night.  Then came home this morning after breakfast, let the dogs out or in as the case was, cleaned the house of debris, and fed.  Dogs who had been outside were very tired as the night had been cold.  They came in, ate and sacked out in their crates.  I set myself up for “morning” prayer at my computer w/my lunch but first, heard the silence.  No radio, no voices, no beeping machines – some gentle snores and silence.  Blessed silence.  Thank you, God.  I let the dogs sleep while I let out the puppies and tried to nap w/them – HA.  Finally, Pip napped on my chest w/Seymour the adult Dachshund on my lap.  Sweet.  Late to centering prayer.

This Centering Prayer group is held in my church.  As I came in late, everyone else was in prayer.  I joined the group but mostly, looked around the sanctuary which I so miss.  Seeing the cross draped for Lent, the purple appointments, reminded me how much I walked away from and for why?  Was I letting myself become too involved, too integrated into a God-ful family that I had to withdraw?  I don’t know – I knew what I was giving up but I didn’t realize I would miss it so much.  Please pray that I learn and grow as God would have me do this year to be prepared to physically rejoin the Family on a weekly basis again next year.  For now,  the focus is on PRAYER – Monday evening, Tuesday morning and Wednesday evening.   Interesting – I had not thought of it that way before – I have not left the Family, I am involved in a different manner for a year which, pray God, will be able to be sustained privately in 2011.  Who knows the future?  Only God knows.  Thanks be to Them.